In Upset

I'm just so upset right now. I haven't been this emotionally torn since that one time I had a total breakdown and cried for hours. . .I really don't want that to be the case with this. It's just so *sad*.

I'm feeling a little more in control than I was before, but I'm still crying. Dude, Jensen, you rock!!!

He remembers EVERYTHING FROM HELL...do you know what that means? Do you have any clue? Have you SEEN Hell Raiser? I have.........and that is too horrible to even think about. I cannot even begin to describe how horrible it must've been for him! Being torn apart, literally, over and over. His body in pieces, but unable to die. Living in constant, agonizing fear and never knowing if where you were was reality or dream! The twists and turns that your tortured mind will go down! Oh, it's brutal agony to think about what he must have went through. And Sam has no idea....if he saw Hell Raiser he would've never asked to know - alright, you're right, he still would've asked. He's Sam Winchester. Man!

For Dean to go through that and then have to shoulder that pain alone FOREVER. I...m....it's...it's just...there are no words *He was RIGHT about that*....and the fact that he isn't telling Sam probably means that we'll never see it. Just like we never saw the hellhounds. To even contemplate what he went through down there tears me up.

And I don't want to hear any "it's just a tv show", because I KNOW THAT and it's still upsetting to me. I connect with my characters, you guys know that about me. When Dr. Beckett died I was in a deep depression for two weeks and almost nothing cheered me up. At least that's not the case this time. I'm just crying and shaking and sobbing and feeling so sick at the thought of what he went through. Dude, I can almost taste the plotbunny that's going to be chasing me down....

So ...sad. Kripke is genius.

Wishful Thinking

I haven't been this upset by an episode of television. EVER. In my history of watching episodes on television - it's long and it's varied, people. I'm so upset right now I'm trying to cry my heart out and gag at the same time! Not a very good feeling.

Wishful Thinking is by far the best episode of season four. I'm going to go cry my eyes out now. Scratch that, I *am* crying my eyes out. People are sleeping so I'm trying not to sob MY LITTLE HEART OUT!!! But, dudes, it's hard. That episode. *Shakes Head*. That episode just struck a chord, man. I got chills and goosebumps and everything...then the tears.

I thought this was going to be another funny, comedy episode. No dice. By far the most quotable episode since Yellow Fever and Hell House, Ghostfacers. But, man, it's just SO sad. *silent sob*.

It's hellhounds all over again. But so much worse because we're talking about something that happened to Dean that he has inside of himself...forever. To face that - those memories - down every single day. It just breaks my heart. JENSEN ACKLES THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! YOU MADE DEAN TOO REAL!!!

I'm just really upset right now.

I cannot wait for next weeks episode. More tears on the horizon? Jared Padalecki did say there was a scene involving Dean where it brought him to tears during the filming. Can't wait. Then I'll really be experiencing some water works. *Sigh*.